The arrival of a newborn can be a joyful, life-changing event, but it also brings about profound shifts in a couple's relationship. Nights once filled with rest or intimacy may now be consumed by feedings, diaper changes, and lullabies. While the baby becomes the center of attention, the partnership that created this new life can sometimes feel sidelined. However, with dedication and understanding, couples can ensure that their bond remains strong and their intimacy stays alive.
The Challenges
It's essential first to acknowledge the challenges a newborn presents to a relationship. New parents often grapple with sleep deprivation, which can reduce libido and increase irritability. Hormonal changes, especially in birthing mothers, can also affect mood and sexual desire. The sheer exhaustion and demands of caring for a newborn can overshadow a couple's time for each other (Bartellas et al., 2000).
Open Communication
Express Feelings and Concerns: Sharing feelings can ensure both partners feel heard and understood. It's vital to express any concerns, feelings of neglect, or desires in an open and non-judgmental manner (Ross et al., 2016).
Discuss Expectations: The roles and responsibilities of each partner can drastically change with a newborn. Discussing and revising these roles can prevent resentments from building up (Feinberg, 2003).
Make Time for Each Other
Schedule Date Nights: While it might seem counterintuitive to schedule romance, setting aside time for each other can work wonders. This doesn't always mean going out; a simple movie night after the baby's bedtime can suffice (Doss et al., 2009).
Take Breaks Together: Whenever the baby is napping or in someone else's care, use that time to reconnect, even if it's just for a coffee chat.
Rekindle Physical Intimacy
Start Slow: Understand that intimacy isn't just about sexual intercourse. Holding hands, hugging, or simply lying down together can reignite that physical connection (Hipp et al., 2012).
Seek Medical Advice: For birthing mothers, it's essential to consult with healthcare providers about when it's safe to resume sexual activity and discuss any concerns related to physical discomfort or changes in libido (DeJudicibus & McCabe, 2002).
Experiment and Adapt: The same things that worked before might not work now. Be open to trying new things or adapting your intimate routines.
Seek Support
Share Responsibilities: Dividing baby-related tasks can ensure that both partners get some rest and personal time.
Lean on Loved Ones: Accept help from trusted family members or friends. This might give the couple some time off to focus on each other (Feinberg, 2003).
Consider Counseling: If challenges persist, couples therapy or counseling might be beneficial. A professional can provide strategies to address specific issues and improve communication.
Conclusion
While a newborn can change the dynamics of a relationship, it also presents an opportunity for couples to grow closer, understanding each other's strengths and vulnerabilities in newfound ways. By prioritizing their relationship and ensuring open communication, couples can navigate this new chapter in their lives, ensuring that their bond remains unbreakable.
Sources:
Bartellas, E., Crane, J. M., Daley, M., Bennett, K. A., & Hutchens, D. (2000). Sexuality and sexual activity in pregnancy. BJOG: An International Journal of Obstetrics & Gynaecology, 107(8), 964-968.
Ross, L. E., McLean, L. M., & Psych, C. (2006). Anxiety disorders during pregnancy and the postpartum period: A systematic review. The Journal of clinical psychiatry, 67(8), 1285-1298.
Feinberg, M. E. (2003). The internal structure and ecological context of coparenting: A framework for research and intervention. Parenting, 3(2), 95-131.
Doss, B. D., Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (2009). The effect of the transition to parenthood on relationship quality: An 8‐year prospective study. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 96(3), 601.
Hipp, L. E., Kane Low, L., & van Anders, S. M. (2012). Exploring women's postpartum sexuality: Social, psychological, relational, and birth-related contextual factors. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 9(9), 2330-2341.
DeJudicibus, M. A., & McCabe, M. P. (2002). Psychological factors and the sexuality of pregnant and postpartum women. Journal of Sex Research, 39(2), 94-103.